I saw this quote online the other day “Art takes time – Monet grew his gardens before he painted them”.

If you’re in church life I’m sure you’ve heard this sentiment in a simpler way “social media is a highlight reel” or “show your best and hide the rest” and sure that is part of what this quote is getting at. A lot of the time you are seeing the sum of people’s life work towards the end of the story – not the beginning. It’s easy to feel bad about where you are when you compare your journey to others. But what I liked about this quote is the idea that there is no art to make if the subject itself isn’t finished.

In my own experience this resonates with me because I’ve always been a writer. There’s times I’ve felt really confident about what I’ve written and times over the last 6 years where I almost feel like I’ve never written a day in my life and I’m all thumbs typing anything. Regardless, I’ve continued to write even if the frequency or the quality has changed. On top of that, because my blogging has always been spiritual in nature and a reflection of what I’m learning about myself and God it was hard to create post-trauma because quite frankly I didn’t know where I stood with either. Who am I at this point? How much of myself have I lost? Do I feel like the same person? Does anything currently make sense? Is God actually with me through this? Did God fail me by allowing this to happen to me? I could go on and on.

I’m not sure if I would always be this way outside of religion, but religion has definitely contributed to this feeling of making your story a testimony and showing people who will walk the same road as you how to do it. We all love the resolution and the happy ending I guess. To use the Monet example, we all want to see the painting of the garden but we don’t want to grow it.

Maybe you don’t feel like you garden is growing. Or if you relate to my PTSD journey in any capacity you might feel like you actually had one but it got bulldozed – I definitely feel that way. Looking over a plot of dirt isn’t exactly inspiring is it? Artists aren’t painting that. But I think it’s a reminder to be diligent about the path you are on and not judge it. One day it might be a masterpiece but it can’t be now.