I’ve REALLY struggled the last 3 weeks with things that have been happening to me. I’m talking unexpected bills, two thefts, an unexpected trip to the emergency vet, breaking one of my toes, and a stranger punching my car while I was in it. It feels like a lot because, well – it IS a lot. It would be a lot for anyone to handle if we’re being real.

Something that took me a long time to stop believing when I was in my teens and 20s was that there was fundamentally something wrong with me that I was attracting bad people and situations into my life. What was so bad about me that bad things kept happening? Was I a magnet for it?

Eventually I was able to separate myself from the things that happened through time, healing, and therapy probably and understand that sometimes people just suck and it has nothing to do with your inherent value or proximity to them. There is nothing “cursed” or “unworthy” or “rejectable” about you.

This is from a blog post I wrote on 11/12/13:

“I think my biggest struggle right now is not seeing myself as rejected. People have all sorts of fears and while mine can range from failure, to being alone, to not having enough money for things, I’m beginning to at least see a pattern and it all traces back to what I think the source is–rejection. For some it’s usually the fear of putting yourself out there; trying to reach for something and not getting it. For me, it’s the rejection I’ve faced in the past and trying not to see that in every other situation that doesn’t turn out right.”

It’s funny to be able to have this conversation with myself a decade later and see how far I’ve come but also how this can still be a deeply rooted belief that can start to grow with minimal effort.

So how do I continue to shed these fears and thoughts when I look around me and the evidence seems to be proving them to be true?

Honestly? I’m working on it. I wish I was further along so I could give you tips and tricks that would save you the painstaking effort of figuring it all out. But for now perhaps I can offer some reminders:

• You are not what happens to you

• It’s important to start to identify core beliefs you have about yourself so you can realize the lies you’ve told yourself and stop the cycle of attaching unrelated events to it

• Invest time into speaking truths about yourself each day. This could be from the Bible, apps like “I am”, etc

• Take stock of the voices in your life and who are safe people to share with. Some people just don’t have the capacity to be there for you and pouring into them will end up being more painful in the long run.