One of the hardest things I’ve faced in my healing journey is feeling like I have slowed down. There are days when I really want to keep pushing forward because I’m motivated to be more creative or there is a huge list of things I want to achieve and either I feel like I can’t do anything or the things I manage to do are not enough.
If you’re like me you are probably your own worst critic because, for any number of reasons, you hold yourself to a high standard. This may be a consistent tug of war for me in life because I think at my core I am still a perfectionist. Through time, therapy and self-compassion the ways in which I used to navigate the world have gotten healthier, more kind. I don’t work myself to burnout to feel like I’m trying hard enough. I don’t feel guilty if I need to have a day where I just rot away in my bed doing self-care and watching tv. And yet there is still a small pang to the heart when I think about the things I was able to accomplish in the past.
Writing for me has been cathartic and even fun since I was learning how to write my letters with a pencil in school. It’s a constant. And I think when I was younger I thought it was possible to be an author or a writer full time. Who knows maybe it still could be. But back in my 20s it felt easier to pour out. My original blog before Sting and Honey had over 400 posts. I felt like I was making a difference even though the community I randomly accumulated was small.
If I’m honest it doesn’t feel like that anymore and it hasn’t for some time. I still feel like I have things to say but it’s harder to say them. It’s like my fingers or my brain has been in a cast and I’m still trying to regain full mobility. It’s painful sometimes but I keep going because I believe it can’t be forever.
Even if you are moving slowly, take the time to remind yourself that it’s significant that you are even moving at all. We are all fighting invisible battles and trying our hardest to overcome them – I know this all too well.
If you need a practical tool to encourage yourself today I have found the I Am app really helpful to pop up on my phone:
Lots of love,
Jess
