A few months ago I saw this quote on the internet and wrote it down: “Fill your cup the same way you pour”.
I don’t know about you but I spent a lot of my life pouring and less time filling my cup. I wanted to feel validation at school or work so I pushed myself harder and harder. I wanted people to show up for me in life so I was the friend that was there for them always, following up, texting, offering to meet up even if they never put in equal effort.
And forget dating and men. While I haven’t had as many relationships as some people might, I feel like the ones I did have taught me just how much I was willing to overlook, compensate for, or criticize myself for first before looking at how that person was accountable.
A lot of this comes with experience and age because the decisions I made at 17 or 23 are not decisions I would make at 36 now. But it’s important to own those decisions, learn from them, and ensure you are treating yourself with the utmost care and protection in the future.
Today I know the value I bring to people I work with, my friends, strangers I meet throughout the day, and also to my own self by just existing in the world. When you know your boundaries and how worthy you are of effort and care – it’s easier to choose how much to pour because you know your capacity and when you’ll be empty. I think Christian teachings can be harmful to people who struggle with boundaries or self-esteem because there is this mindset of dying to yourself, your desires, sacrifice of time, having a servant heart, etc. These can feel like the complete truth and only guidance even if you are personally withering away, working yourself ragged, or giving attention to people and places that might actually be toxic for you.
My sincerest hope and prayer for you is to know that your efforts are seen. That you have more than likely shown up enough and are pushing yourself enough. Perhaps it’s time to reflect on where you are at and if you are pouring out way more than you are being filled. How can you identify those areas of imbalance this week and ensure you are being filled as well?
