You will find it. What do you mean it? I mean whatever your heart or mind immediately filled in when you read this title. Ha!

For me, something that I have feared for most of my life (yes even childhood) was that I would never find love and get married. I think being exposed to the dysfunction of my parent’s own marriage from a young age contributed to this. I remember watching shows on tv like Dawson’s Creek secretly in my room and wondering what being loved like that would feel like. In a way I couldn’t wait to be older and dating and I believed that I would just work really hard to avoid whatever my parent’s had done wrong to ensure that wouldn’t happen to me.

I just turned 36 a couple of weeks ago, and while I’ve loved people I don’t feel like I’ve found the kind of love that lasts in return and could be marriage material. It’s something I can feel guilt or shame about if I go down old unhealthy trains of thought. But the fact remains, I know I am worthy of being valued and fought for, and I am not the person I was in my later teens and 20s that was willing to settle for the bare minimum scraps that a person was willing to give me.

But knowing all of that and being healthy within myself doesn’t minimize the struggle to wait for it to come. To put yourself out there and be rejected or to see what’s out there and be disappointed at the supposed pool of single men that are available to you (hello dating apps).

So even though I still occasionally joke that I will “die alone” and part of me genuinely fears this – I’m choosing to believe that I will find it – and whatever your “it” is – that you will find it too.